"That's not beer."
- Some guy after making a spitting noise in the dark

"The only reason why festivals are worse than bars is that in bars they turn on the ugly lights at the end of the night so you see how ugly everybody is that was cute in the dark...at festivals there's an ugly sun."
- Chris, not talking about anybody in particular

"He has the sperm all over him."
- Nikki after mating dragonflies landed on Chris

"You're gonna knock me out with my own boobs, aren't you?"
- Nikki, predicting Josh's attack

"I'm writin' it down!"
- Chris, enjoying the wonders of carrying around a notepad

"I'm not a wawwiuh!"
- Lianna in her new armor while attacking her mom

"You gotta eat a pickle to get in!"
- Mel, keeping the riffraff out at the gate

"Hey, where's your other stick?"
- Theresa, checking out Mike's 'arsenal'

"YOU EVER MAKE LOVE TO A FIRE?!?!?!"
- Matt, standing on top of a raging inferno

"That's the best piece of meat I've ever had in my mouth! I don't want to swallow!"
- Unknown Girl, while eating pork loin at the Monkey Bar

"Oh this? It's my Butt Buddy."
- Theresa, carrying her cigarette remains instead of littering

"Can I hold your sword? Oh...it's heavy!"
- Rachel the Chronic

"Is that GWAR?"
- Unknown person, obviously unaware of The Beer Knights

"My sword is flimsy and floppy."
- Chris, lamenting his overused weapon

"That's the biggest sword I've ever held!"
- Bea, learning the might of the Knight

"You can't beat me. I taught Yoda how to swordfight."
- George, while having a drumstick fight with Georgie